Untethering the Mind: Lessons for Life’s Adventure

Book Credit: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

Oct 02, 2024

Dear Adventurers,

I originally learned about The Untethered Soul from Nicole LePera’s Self Healer’s Circle. I appreciated the varied media forms in which lessons and resources were shared, including live sessions, discussion boards, and worksheets. What I loved the most was how bookish the platform was. I was introduced to a new world of literature—some that I had previously read and others that were not even on my TBR radar.

While I appreciate the plethora of bookish suggestions in the Self Healers Circle, I will be transparent and admit that I was not quite ready to break down the wall of my comfort zone and personal paradigms (read more about this transformative process in this post) back in 2022 when I joined the community. Some of the topics were so raw and nuanced that the thought of reading a book on these perspectives almost felt like an attack on my identity—much like how Bilbo lost himself to the corruption of The One Ring. Like our limiting thoughts, the ring felt comforting because it was familiar but held him captive.

However, as I embarked on the most recent quest of my Life Adventure, I began to desire to break out of my comfort zone—like Frodo leaving the safety of the Shire to step into the unknown. I wanted to reach beyond myself to tap into the infinite expanse we are blessed to inhabit, thrive in, learn from, and enjoy. We must go beyond our current reference plane to fully take advantage of the knowledge around us. Like Frodo’s journey to Mordor, this path isn’t easy but leads to the transformation we seek.

And so began my Bookish Adventure with Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul.

Unlocking the Door: What is The Untethered Soul?

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer is a guide to transcending the limitations of the mind and achieving spiritual awakening. The book explores the idea of “untethering” oneself from the habitual thoughts, emotions, and energies that confine our experience of life. By examining our relationship with our thoughts and learning to witness them instead of identifying with them, Singer invites readers to achieve inner peace and true freedom—much like Frodo learned that his absolute freedom wasn’t in running away but in facing his burdens.

In this week’s post, I hope to share some of the gems I gleaned from this book, hoping that it will help you along your own Life Adventure, whether you’re in the Shire or on your way to Mount Doom.

Would You Trust Your Toxic Roommate?

One of Singer’s most impactful metaphors is the “inner roommate”—the incessant, often critical voice in our heads. Now, imagine if you had a literal roommate who spoke to you the way your thoughts do—constantly critical, anxious, or fearful. You probably wouldn’t trust or even enjoy being around this person. And yet, many of us allow this “inner roommate” to shape our actions and dictate our feelings. Much like how Gollum followed Frodo, whispering doubts and fears along the way, we often let this inner voice guide us, even when it doesn’t have our best interest at heart. Yet, we allow this toxic inner roommate to shape our decisions, control our actions, and color our emotions.

Singer’s lesson here is simple but powerful: we must disidentify from this inner voice. This inner voice is not the real me. It’s just the mind’s way of processing experiences. Singer emphasizes that we must observe our thoughts without getting entangled in them. By disidentifying from this toxic inner roommate, we regain control over our emotional and mental well-being—just as Frodo learned to resist the ring’s pull by seeing its corrupting influence for what it was. You are not your thoughts.

Armoring Up: Resisting the Urge to Close

“Nothing in life is worth closing over.” - Michael Singer

In The Untethered Soul, Singer stresses that we often close ourselves off to avoid pain, creating resistance to life’s natural flow. This resistance leads to suffering as we try to protect ourselves from hurt instead of fully experiencing life. When we close our hearts in reaction to discomfort, we cut ourselves off from growth and joy—much like how the Fellowship could have abandoned their quest to avoid pain but would have lost the opportunity to save Middle-earth.

Singer’s message resonated deeply with me—nothing in life is worth shutting down for. This means opening ourselves up to experiences, even when they are challenging. Every experience, whether good or bad, offers growth opportunities if we remain open to it. The key is to embrace life’s challenges as we discover true freedom and peace in these moments of openness.

Thorns Beneath the Surface: What Are You Protecting?

The thorn illustration is one of the most potent metaphors in The Untethered Soul. Singer describes how we all carry emotional thorns—pains or unresolved traumas from our past. Instead of removing these thorns, we often build entire defense mechanisms around them to avoid triggering the pain. These mechanisms may protect us temporarily but become cages that limit our potential.

Disadvantages of People-Pleasing: People-pleasing can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of self-worth. It keeps individuals from asserting their true desires and living authentically because they’re too focused on external validation. Ultimately, this behavior drains energy and can result in unhealthy relationships.

Thank you for visiting the Shire Bonsai Network! This post is public—feel free to share it with fellow travelers on your journey.

Breaking the Chains: Choosing to Suffer No Longer

“The prerequisite for true freedom is deciding you do not want to suffer anymore.” - Michael Singer

This simple but profound statement is a call to action. We often cling to suffering because it’s familiar, and letting go feels risky. However, Singer argues that we can choose peace by releasing the need to control everything. Deciding not to suffer doesn’t mean we avoid pain but rather that we refuse to let pain dictate our lives. Much like Frodo’s choice to destroy the ring, it’s not easy but necessary for true freedom.

Remember that scene from Inside Out 2 where Anxiety has mind workers running worst-case scenarios for Riley? That was exhausting to watch! Now imagine living that way in real-time—expecting your mind to manage worst-case scenarios while keeping your heart rate, immune system, and stress levels in check. Something has to give. (I explore this topic more in my post on ACEs: “Is it Me? No, It’s Your ACEs.”)

When we let go of the need to control, we free ourselves from unnecessary suffering.

Available for iOS and Android

Finding the Key: How Do We Let Go?

Singer makes it clear: “External changes are not going to solve the problem because they do not address the root of the problem.” Even if we change jobs, partners, or environments, our internal struggles persist unless we address them head-on. Absolute freedom comes from inner work. Think of it like Gandalf’s wisdom when he said, “You cannot pass!”—we must confront our own Balrogs to move forward.

Adding someone new to your life may feel exciting, but you’re not solving the problem—you’re just involving someone else in our chaos. Real change begins within.

Accepting the Quest

“Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything.”

Life will always be unpredictable and full of challenges, but peace doesn’t come from controlling external circumstances. It comes from accepting life as it is. Singer’s message is clear: when you’re okay with everything—when you release the need to control or resist—true freedom becomes possible.

This sentiment reminds us that our external circumstances do not need to change to find peace. The world will continue to throw challenges our way, but we can choose how we respond. If we are okay with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life, we can finally experience the freedom Singer writes about. Accept life for the beautiful storm it is. Singer’s message is clear: “when you’re okay with everything—when you release the need to control or resist—true freedom becomes possible.”

Questions for Reflection

How does your “inner roommate” influence your day-to-day decisions? How can becoming more aware of this inner dialogue lead to positive changes?
Can you think of any emotional “thorns” people tend to build defenses around? How might these defenses limit growth or fulfillment?
What small steps could anyone take today to choose peace over unnecessary stress or suffering?
How might discomfort be seen as a part of personal growth rather than something to avoid?