Living Beyond Self-Judgment
A Letter to My Inner Critic
As humans, our true purpose lies in collaboration—helping one another become the highest versions of ourselves. Collaboration thrives on our differences, yet we far too often view those differences as flaws. Instead of celebrating what makes us unique, we let these perceived shortcomings divide us. And here’s the kicker: most of the time, the voice leading this charge against ourselves isn’t someone else—it’s our own inner critic.
I call this voice my Toxic Roommate, a nod to Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul. Measuring myself against others keeps me on uneven ground, chasing a moving target that always shifts to someone else. Progress feels impossible when the point of reference isn’t a past version of me but whoever I decide is better, more accomplished, or more deserving at the moment. But here’s what I’ve come to realize:
The only meaningful comparison is between who I am now and who I was yesterday.
This post is a love letter—or maybe a breakup letter—to that voice. To the relentless inner chatter that keeps me from fully embracing my wins, my journey, and my worth.
Dear Inner Roommate,
Why do you always have to sneak in and ruin the vibe? One moment, I’m soaring—proud of myself, celebrating the steps I’ve taken on this Life Adventure. But before the glow of self-praise can even settle, there you are. Like a shadowy figure, peddling cynicism and self-doubt in a trench coat of judgment.
Why can’t I just be?
Even in moments of peace, you creep in, whispering that I missed the mark, that I fell short. Compassion is something I can give others, but for me? Never. You prescribe struggle, loneliness, and judgment instead.
Your words echo relentlessly:
"That’s what you were supposed to do."
"But look at so-and-so’s accomplishment—that’s amazing."
"You’re really not that impressive compared to... insert literally anyone."
Can you just stop? Let me enjoy this moment—this one simple moment of joy and self-esteem. Your presence makes these feelings fleeting at best and impossible at worst. Why must you steal the beauty of my accomplishments?
But here’s the curious thing: while I speak to you, I’m really speaking to myself. To a part of me that took on the role of protector during difficult times. You became the guardian of our Inner Child—the one who endured confusion and heartbreak at the hands of caregivers and authority figures. The one who learned that achievement was never enough.
I understand you. I know you negate my victories because you’re trying to shield me from disappointment. You think if we punish ourselves first, no one else can. If we dim our light, there’s no room for rejection.
But here’s the problem: your words don’t just block out sadness and failure. They block out joy, excitement, and love, too. You blunt every emotion, leaving me numb.
So today, I say: thank you. Thank you for protecting Young Jae when she needed it. Thank you for standing guard through the darkest nights. But your methods? They no longer serve us. What once helped us survive is now stunting our future.
Take a break. It’s time for you to rest.
What if, instead of criticism, we embraced the possibility that we are enough? What if the Universe reciprocates the love we pour into it? What if we celebrated every step, no matter how small?
My heart tells me this: We are enough. We are doing a good job.
So when the habit of self-deprecation creeps in, let’s pause and reflect on our goals: Peace, Joy, and Love. Let’s ask ourselves:
Does this thought contribute to my inner peace?
Do the emotions this thought stirs align with joy?
Is this thought rooted in love—self-love, love for others, and divine love?
If the answer is no, then it’s time for you to rest, dear roommate. Let me drive. I will honor your warnings and unpack them when the time is right. But I cannot live my life on defense.
Together, let’s remember this: the world is a mirror of our internal landscape. If I feel love, I will experience love. If I embrace joy, the Universe will offer opportunities for joy.
But if I dwell in fear and negativity, I will only see fear and negativity reflected back.
Dear roommate, after nearly three decades of service, it’s time to refine your methods. We are no longer accepting toxicity as part of us. We are calm. We are love.
Much love,
Jae