In Defense of My Traitorous Heart

The Weight of Choosing Me

Sometimes, choosing yourself feels like the ultimate betrayal. Especially when others interpret your self-preservation as a rejection of their love. It’s a heavy weight to carry—the guilt, the doubt, the aching question of whether you’ve done something wrong.

I wrote this letter to my "traitorous heart" to reflect on those moments when we must choose ourselves, even when it hurts. This is for anyone who has felt torn between staying true to themselves and meeting the expectations of others.

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Dear Traitorous Heart,

You’ve been called a traitor. A betrayer.

They say you’ve betrayed love—
Good intentions,
A tender heart,
And the delicate trust someone placed in you.

But is that true?

You chose yourself.
And in doing so, you left others questioning
What your love meant.

They see love as a totem pole,
Stacked and ranked,
While you’ve always seen it as a net,
Wide and all-encompassing.

Their hurt echoes loudly in your ears.
The tears you witnessed felt like daggers.
And now, here you are:
Tired. Torn. Confused.

You wonder if it’s guilt,
Self-doubt,
Or that old, familiar urge
To compromise.
To concede.
To invalidate yourself
For the comfort of others.

You call yourself a traitor.
But tell me, heart:
Who did you truly betray?

It wasn’t them.

No. The betrayal would have been abandoning yourself
To meet their expectations,
To sacrifice your needs and your truth.

If you had done that,
You’d have built your house on sand—
A foundation crumbling
Under the weight of pleasing others.

Heart, you didn’t betray anyone.
You chose to stay rooted in your truth.

That choice doesn’t negate love.
It doesn’t erase care.
It doesn’t make you a traitor.

If they call you one, let them.
But know this:
True betrayal would be silencing you—
And I will not let that happen.

So, traitorous heart,
Hold your ground.
Feel deeply.
And love widely.
Even when the world misunderstands.

Much Love, Jae

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Remember, Adventurers: Choosing yourself doesn’t make you a traitor. It’s not a betrayal to love yourself enough to honor your needs. This letter reminds me—and I hope reminds you—that self-love and love for others aren’t mutually exclusive. They can coexist, even if others can’t always see it.

Stay rooted in your truth. Let love be the net that catches us all.