Forgiving You, Forgiving Me

A Letter to Heal

Forgiveness is often seen as something we offer others, but what about the forgiveness we owe ourselves? We all carry wounds—whether from our own mistakes or the hurt others have caused us—and it’s easy to let those wounds define us. But true healing comes when we recognize that our errors or struggles are not our identity. In this letter, I explore the power of forgiveness, both inward and outward, and the freedom that comes when we choose to let go of the past and embrace love, growth, and compassion. Whether directed at another person or at ourselves, forgiveness is the key to peace.

Dear Loved One,

Whether you exist within me or beyond me, peace is a gift we both deserve.

I forgive you. I. Forgive. You. I wish forgiveness were as simple as those three words. Four syllables and all is right with the world. But the pains of today are so much grander than the elementary transgressions of days long past. The wounds still hurt, the scars are real, and my heart still aches. Yet, who is to say when it's time to forgive? Who tells us when to move on?

If I don’t hold on to the hurt, then who will remember my story? Who will honor the injustice my inner child faced?

I feel like a sentinel, guarding the parts of me that are frozen in time at ground zero of the trauma. I don’t want to leave her alone. She deserves company—comfort, validation. So, I sit with her. I hold her close, whispering softly: “You didn’t deserve that.” No, she didn’t. We didn’t. I didn’t.

But, dear loved one, is it fair to lock our precious Self in a room where she must constantly replay the hurt of the past? She cries in the darkness, and her tears pool into resentment, isolation, and distrust. Is that justice? Is this darkness the retribution we seek? While it may shield us from new pain, this barrier also blocks the refreshing breath of love from cleansing our heart. There is no justice without love, and there is no love without forgiveness.

If we desire balance, justice, and healing, shouldn’t we seek the highest form of justice there is? Love. Compassion. Allowing.

Allowing the hurt to remain in the past.

Allowing space for our feelings—sadness, disappointment, anger, betrayal, anxiety.

Allowing these feelings to teach us: What boundary does my anger want me to enforce? What need does my disappointment reveal? What paradigm does my betrayal ask me to expand?

Allowing the feelings to fade away.

Allowing myself to grieve—the loss of normalcy, expectations, or a dream not yet realized. Grieve the change, and let gratitude for the opportunity to live remain.

The greatest proof of life is not breath—it is growth. Growth in mind, body, and spirit. And trust me, dear one, we cannot grow if we do not let go. If we do not forgive the past. The only reality is the here and now. It would be a disservice to let ourselves be held back by a reality that no longer exists, no matter how strong its pull. We have more power than we realize.

The past can only hold us back if we let it. So, dear one, look forward. Find peace in knowing that while pain happens, suffering is a choice. Choose to let go. Choose to show compassion. And choose to love yourself, first and foremost. Remember? Justice is love, and love is forgiveness. This means the greatest form of love you can offer is self-love, and through that, self-forgiveness.

You made a mistake, but that doesn’t define you.

You said something hurtful, but that doesn’t make you a hurtful person.

You struggle with depression, but you are not defined by it.

You experience anxiety, but you are not your anxious thoughts.

Stop! Stop over-identifying with your shortcomings. You are an amalgamation of so many things, and underneath it all—you are good. You are kind. You are love. You are power.

Believe it. I’m sorry for not telling you this sooner, my love.

Do you want to know something? The truth is this forgiveness— It’s for me. Forgiveness is for me, not you. It unfolds independently of what you choose to hang onto. The darkness you carry is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to shape my own inner landscape. And for that, I must dig up the moat of negative emotion surrounding me. I will plant a beautiful garden, and when I look out—within myself and into the world—I will see beauty. I choose to embrace my power. I choose to see the world as I see myself. And I choose to forgive.

I forgive you. I forgive myself. I forgive it all.

Much Love,
Jae